Here is Point Nemo, the spot farthest away from any land in the world where you are closer to the astronauts aboard the ISS (International Space Station) than humanity.
In a world where the internet is one of the most important commodities of all time, connecting with people virtually has never been easier. Especially when the pandemic hit, the world was put on pause and everything has been happening online — may it be via Zoom, Discord, Facebook Messenger, etc.
It’s a functional commodity that we use to stay updated on what our friends and families have been doing, and it is certainly one of the best things we can use when we reconnect with them face to face.
We chat with our friends and families almost every day, but why do we still feel disconnected? They are ‘there’ virtually, but it is as if you are in Point Nemo where you are extremely remote from everyone around you…
When we get caught up in the busyness of the world, we lose connection with one another — and ourselves.
-Jack Kornfield
At the start of the pandemic, everyone was so ecstatic that they get to stay at home and not go to work. It was amazing because we get to connect with everyone wherever they may be because we didn’t have to travel and move around. And since we didn’t have to deal with the traffic, it feels like we have all the time in the world since we can just connect from one call to the next.
I love chatting, going all goofy, and playing online games with my friends. But after some time, it felt like I’m not connecting with them on a deep, personal, and emotional level. The conversation, for some reason, doesn’t feel authentic.
As an introvert, I greatly value the emotional connection that gets built whenever you spend time with other people physically. And all the external cues that we rely on whenever we interact with others got lost in the online space: anticipating their body language, reacting and responding to their stories in real-time, the ambiance of the place, and all of the other things that composes the spirit of the place. All of these get lost in translation as we only converse with a virtual representation of the person we would like to connect with.
I’m not saying that humans are incapable of connecting with other people virtually. All I’m saying is that it will be more difficult to establish these connections as there are several factors that contribute to building these connections that get lost in translation. And notice how I said “more difficult” and not “impossible”.
Here are some of the things I’ve tried in building these kinds of relationships and I encourage you to try some of them with your friends!
Be interested
Oftentimes, we hear that we should be an interesting person to impress or to arouse curiosity from a person we are trying to impress. But in this case, I suggest being more interested in them.
When you are interested, you listen to their stories and respond genuinely because you are responding not for the sake of responding, but because you understood what they were trying to convey and it makes them feel heard.
Avoid distractions
The difference between having some quality time with the people you love physically and virtually is the amount of available distractions. You tell yourself that you can multitask. You know, listening to them while you are browsing through your phone or your laptop, and they lost you halfway through their story. It happens…
When you are in a discord or messenger call with a significant other, you need to give them your full attention. Otherwise, you shouldn’t have that call with them because it will hurt the connection more than not having the call at all. And trust me, people know when you’re not listening to their stories.
Your own secret handshake
“A secret handshake? Virtually? I think you’re crazy…”. Hear me out. My friend and I created a secret pat, where we would simply pat our forearm and rest our other hand on it shortly, for whenever we are ending the call. And we have been doing this for quite some time now. It’s not much, but feel that it helps.
Our bodies release a chemical that helps in developing connection — also known as oxytocin, which is greatly important in building stronger connections. Oxytocin is primarily developed non-verbally. However, it doesn’t exactly react similarly when compared to having physical contact with other people, but I like to believe that it helps (even for just a bit)
Take a break
Oftentimes, we are stuck in this train of thought that we have to keep having calls with other people just to maintain the relationship, but it’s not. Personally, I think this will give you a harder time building an authentic relationship with other people because you are constantly telling yourself that you need to put yourself out there.
Taking a break will help you build a healthy connection with yourself and will allow you to just take a step back and just look at how amazing the people around you are. And as Jack Kornfield said, “When we get caught up in the busyness of the world, we lose connection with one another — and ourselves”. Don’t get caught up in the busyness of the world. We have all the time in the world but it doesn’t mean that we will not run out. Use them well, and use them wisely.
Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable
Lastly, which I think is the more important of them all is to not be afraid of being vulnerable. The word “Vulnerable” doesn’t have a positive association with it. It is often used to express feeling down or difficult, so we tend to shut the doors to everyone to feel safe and protected and it doesn’t have to be like that.
Being vulnerable doesn’t make you weak. And when you are open to the person you are talking to and they are also open to you, you share a connection. Professor Brandon Brown did a study on this and figured out that vulnerability connects people, and I stand with Professor Brandon on this one.
An emotional connection is a bundle of subjective feelings that come together to create a bond between two people. — Isabella Gladd
Despite what we have been told, the new normal will open up an avenue for other ways we can connect with the people around us. But hopefully, everything gets settled soon and we can all get back to hanging out in bars, coffee shops, beach houses, and wherever it may be. And hopefully, we don’t get caught up with the busyness of the world that we lose connection with one another, and with ourselves. But for now, as we go through this pandemic together, let’s make the most with what we have, and who knows, we might end up building stronger relationships.
Everything above is from my own, personal point of view, and it’s not a blueprint for building connections virtually. There are other big factors that will also come into play, but I think it’s a start. Yeah?
How about you? How do you build an emotional connection with people virtually? Let me know!
